The Christmas Market Goers Guide to Surviving Austria

1. It will be freezing, so wear as much as humanly possible. Bonus points if you dress like dad.

2. Austrian accents are really difficult. Don't attempt to do one in front of natives.

NB - "Spreken de English" is an excellent way to let people know you are a tourist, do not be surprised if this results in snorts/giggles/eye rolling from the locals.

3. Seeing scary masks as decor on a beautiful christmas booth, should be the first sign that something weird will be happening later (see number 10 for further details)

4. Practice your wizardry skills before arrival.

5. Always be looking, she is still out there.

6. Be prepared for long hikes up to the castle, with multiple pauses for photos and flip shots.

7. Food is bigger there. Drinks on the other hand, are smaller (no free refills!). Please take careful note that if you ask for mineral water you will get sparkling water. When you ask the waitress to please rectify this by replacing it with still water, she will go on, excessively, how it is your fault and how you are the idiot: "still water is still water. Mineral water is sparking water" - something everyone should know or apparently already does know.

8. Drinking water from the fountain in the square can be challenging. Practice at home by twisting body awkwardly.

9. To thoroughly enjoy the christmas market, attend once the sun has gone down (roughly 4pm)

10. If you hear bells and see antlers, do not be fooled into thinking Santa is coming. He is not. Instead scary ghouls are on the way to either; hit bad children, or send away the bad spirits of 2009.